About Me

Do you like sex and food? Have you ever found yourself in a compromising situation and thought "Hey, what the hell?' and just gone with it?" If you answered yes to either of these question then we can probably be friends.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Use these face products and get laid

I am a True Blue Spa addict. If you're not addicted to TBS, you should be.

Its reasonably priced and it works WONDERS. Its amazing stuff.

I have terrible skin. Really, in order for me to get on my hot girl disguise, I've gotta pile on a ton of Bare Minerals  powder foundation, plus stuff beneath the circles under my eyes. And that's before I put on any eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss.

Two days ago, I bought a whole collection of True Blue Spa stuff and its FABULOUS. Here's my routine and in only 2 days, i'm seeing results. Awesome.

I start with the peppermint scrub. I love this stuff. It smells great and feels even better on my face. I have large pores. I don't know if you know this but if you're going to exfoliate your face, you need to make sure its not a face scrub that is very grainy. That'll rub your pores raw and leave them more open for bacteria-making you more prone to breakouts. I wash my face with that and then pat it dry.

I put on a moisturizer-i'm a huge fan of CO Bigelow stuff. I know its catered toward men, but honestly, it just feels great and I like the way it smells. I have a ton of their lip gloss, but that's another post. After my moisturizer is on, i might put the de-puff eye stuff on. Then I put on my make-up as usual.

Since I have such bad skin, I don't wear make-up all day. The second I get home from work, I wash it all off-i use Pat Wex face wash. Then I use the TBS Fizzing Foaming Face Wash with Green Tea. I love it because you can feel it fizz up and foam instantly. You can really feel it cleaning your pores.

Some days I can feel a bad breakout coming on-this hasn't been the case recently, but I've been using the TBS pumpkin mask just because it feels great and it makes my face smell like a pie. Its a win-win. I put it on, leave it on for about 10mins and then wash it off. Fabulous.

Before bed, I wash my face-normally with Pat Wex anti-aging face wash. Then I put on the Blackberry Purifying Peel-Off mask. I let it dry and leave it on for 20mins, and then peel it off. I can feel the grime and dirt being pulled out. My face feels GREAT afterwards and very smooth. After that, I put on another moisturizer and head to bed.

I'm not normally a huge advocate of products but I will say I've seen a different with True Blue Spa. They have a full body line-stuff for your feet, hands, whole body, everything. I can't wait to get some more of the There's the Rub body scrub. It does wonderful things to my elbows :)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Anal Eaze Is Not Lube

Okay, so let me just throw this out there. I had anal sex the other night. Hurricane Irene knocked out our power and our son was in bed and we needed something to do. Well, when you've been together for like, five years, sex can get kinda boring. I mean, its not BAD per se. Its just very familiar and we've kinda gotten it down to a certain formula:  15mins of foreplay. 15 mins of penetration in one position. 15 mins in another. 2mins of orgasm. 13mins of cuddling.

So, since we had a ton of time to kill since we had no electricity, we decided we would attempt anal sex.

Now, anal sex is kinda difficult for me. I have a small asshole. I mean, I dont know-are assholes like vaginas? Are there different sizes? Well, if there are, mine is an XXS-extra extra small. Its barely even exit only.

That's gross and TMI. Sorry.

Anyway, so we decided to use Anal Eaze. Its a product that I purchased at a Slumber Party. Its supposed to numb the anus so penetration is not painful.

Now, I Slumber Parties. I'm training to be a consultant. But it didn't work. It. Didnt. Work.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Chat Roulette is a Dirty Dirty Game

I've seen more penises than a porn star at a gang bang audition. 

chatroulette.com is INSANE. Its all foreign guys jerking it. All the do is sit their with their dicks out and touch themselves and ask to see tits. 

I tried to engage a guy in conversation. He had a small dong, so I figured he wouldn't be too....errr...cocky (aheheheh) and might actually be able to talk about something other than tits and ass. 

ME:  Hey. 
HIM:  Sup Skanks.
Me:  (looking around). Its just me here, sorry. 
HIM:  wat no frends?
ME:  No. No friends. Sorry. 
HIM:  You looken to get lucky 2nite?
ME:  Define lucky.
HIM:  u stupid or sumthing
ME: Or something. 
HIM:  show me ur tits
ME:  Hi, nice to meet you too. 
HIM:  wats ur name? sumthing sexy like krystal or xxxena?
ME:  Xxxena?
HIM:  like da singer, u no. dirty. 
ME:  No. You're thinking of Xtina. Christina Aguilera. 
HIM:  u hot like her
ME:  ...This is a cam site. Can you not see me?
HIM:  no i see u is dat ur frend?

Ok, at this point, I become greatly alarmed because I think two things could be happening. One, there is a scary ghost girl behind me or two, I have someone been tricked into talking to someone that actually has someone outside of my apartment and they were going to kill me Funny Games style. 

I skipped to the next person. 

THIS time I got two guys at once. Both of them had their dicks out. "Can we see your tits?"

Uh...how about you just look at each other, 'cause the whole two dicks in one screen seems pretty gay to me. 

I skipped through the next few guys.  A couple of them were wearing masks, a couple of them had the cam pointed at their crotches...and then a few of them had strap-ons on...so that was kinda weird for me.