Use these face products and get laid

I am a True Blue Spa addict. If you're not addicted to TBS, you should be.

Its reasonably priced and it works WONDERS. Its amazing stuff.

I have terrible skin. Really, in order for me to get on my hot girl disguise, I've gotta pile on a ton of Bare Minerals  powder foundation, plus stuff beneath the circles under my eyes. And that's before I put on any eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss.

Two days ago, I bought a whole collection of True Blue Spa stuff and its FABULOUS. Here's my routine and in only 2 days, i'm seeing results. Awesome.

I start with the peppermint scrub. I love this stuff. It smells great and feels even better on my face. I have large pores. I don't know if you know this but if you're going to exfoliate your face, you need to make sure its not a face scrub that is very grainy. That'll rub your pores raw and leave them more open for bacteria-making you more prone to breakouts. I wash my face with that and then pat it dry.

I put on a moisturizer-i'm a huge fan of CO Bigelow stuff. I know its catered toward men, but honestly, it just feels great and I like the way it smells. I have a ton of their lip gloss, but that's another post. After my moisturizer is on, i might put the de-puff eye stuff on. Then I put on my make-up as usual.

Since I have such bad skin, I don't wear make-up all day. The second I get home from work, I wash it all off-i use Pat Wex face wash. Then I use the TBS Fizzing Foaming Face Wash with Green Tea. I love it because you can feel it fizz up and foam instantly. You can really feel it cleaning your pores.

Some days I can feel a bad breakout coming on-this hasn't been the case recently, but I've been using the TBS pumpkin mask just because it feels great and it makes my face smell like a pie. Its a win-win. I put it on, leave it on for about 10mins and then wash it off. Fabulous.

Before bed, I wash my face-normally with Pat Wex anti-aging face wash. Then I put on the Blackberry Purifying Peel-Off mask. I let it dry and leave it on for 20mins, and then peel it off. I can feel the grime and dirt being pulled out. My face feels GREAT afterwards and very smooth. After that, I put on another moisturizer and head to bed.

I'm not normally a huge advocate of products but I will say I've seen a different with True Blue Spa. They have a full body line-stuff for your feet, hands, whole body, everything. I can't wait to get some more of the There's the Rub body scrub. It does wonderful things to my elbows :)

"Why do I end up with the weirdos?"

I have a friend who has a penchant for weirdos. Somehow she finds them. Or they find her.

Originally, I had planned to write an actual blog about this. Like, paragraphs, illustrations and everything. Instead, I'm just going to give you the notes. So here they go.

(this all happened last weekend, btw)

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-Ash and drunk guy
-blue hair (her hair, not him0
-in a band (emo) (him, not her)
-uses hair straightener
-drank almost an entire liter of vodka-ZELKO VODKA
-i spent the entire time worried he was going to puke on the carpet or my stuff
-at one point he sat up and said 'i'm not sure what's going on' LOVELY
-he was good with kids-it was one of his redeeming qualities
-we kept asking 'how much did you drink?'
-we couldn't tell if he was crying or giggling. they sounded the same. i dont know about my friend, but i can't be dtf with a dude like that

he got totally tanked and slammed his head into the glass coffee table. there was a loud crack. then, he hid under the blankets. like we would forget about his drunk ass or something.

at this point, he had a crazy mood swing and turned into a dick. he was getting belligerent and went from making little sense to absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. i couldn't even figure it out and i speak drunken slurs fluently. he tried to kick my friend out of her apartment. then he kept asking 'what time is it?' and saying 'some people wanna sleep' but when she'd try to leave the living room he'd keep mumbling at her to come back.

what i've concluded based on this evening? i will never date a guy in an emo band, ever.

If You Don't Know How To Order Coffee

Get the fuck outta my way. Mama needs her iced macchiato.

If you don't know what an artesan coffee is called, you're simply not worthy.

all I wanted was an iced coffee-an iced skinny caramel macchiato. all the black guy in front of me wanted was a venti house blend with a shot of espresso and soy. But he didn't know how to say it.

"Gimme one of dem regular coffees with dat bitter stuff in it with all the energy. And the milk that comes from the beans.

...what? Oh. house blend. Espresso. Soy.

Now, I'm not a coffee snob but I AM a self-proclaimed iced latte addict. Iced skinny caramel lattes and iced macchiatos are my poison. And like I've posted before, how much Starbucks I've consumed in a day influences my sex life. So, my husband puts up with and fully supports the $15 I spend a day on my drinks. Yeah, they could be made for half the price, but they wouldn't be as good. I know, I've tried.

So I'm standing there in line trying not to sigh impatiently-and failing miserably.

I'm also trying to figure out why the barista couldn't figure out wtf he wanted. I mean, I could figure it out-wtf do they pay her for, anyway?

She gives him something similar to what he's asking for. He didn't know the difference but whatever. Not my problem.

I order my drink.

She gave me a caramel latte with two shots of espresso. WTF IS THIS SHIT. Why can't people do their jobs. Ugh.

And my husband DID NOT get laid that night.

That awkward moment when you run into your ex and his new girlfriend says...

"Is she the one that used to do that thing?"

And you wonder...what is she talking about? I always assume the worst and take it to mean something sexual. You can say just about anything to me and for at least half a second I'll perceive it as sexual innuendo. I will either be extremely flattered or extremely freaked out. Both faces look the same so you won't know which emotion is racing through my head or loins. Its like I have a sex poker face or something.

So, given the ex it was-the ex I had when I was 18, this statement could have meant just about anything. I did a lot of crazy shit when I was 18 because I drank a lot and was a high school dropout which basically meant I had too much free time on my hands and little to no self-respect.

Did she mean the giggling during sex? The toe curling thing which almost always meant a cramp which meant tears-which were often mistaken for crying during sex...but it wasn't the sex itself that was making me cry! I swear! Did she mean the craving for crab rangoon almost immediately after orgasm? The time phase where I smoked lots of weed, had lots of sex and then binged on fritos and chocolate pudding?

Or was it something non-sexual, like "Is the the one that used to shake her head three times after meeting someone new so she'd remember their name?" Because I do that too.

What could it mean? Do other people assume their exes have discussed every detail of the previous sex life with their new partners? Am I weird for wanting to know where my partners have been and what they've done with them. I mean, I know I'm the best but if I"m not the first, I wanna know details.

At any rate, if it WAS sexual, I bet she was intimated when she saw my tits in real life.

How To Get Your Girlfriend or Wife to Give Great Head

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Cigarettes Turn Me On. Not Anymore.

My husband is a smoker. I used to be a smoker. I have my slip ups every now and then where I have the occasional drag but seriously, you can't blame me. I have a three year old, my husband is out of work on worker's comp, and I work retail. Cut me a break, sometimes I need a little release.

But my husband or should I say his cigarettes are ruining our sex life. I used to LIKE the taste of cigarettes on his mouth. Now, don't get me wrong-smoking is not sexy because its bad for you and blah blah blah you can get cancer and die and blah blah blah but being a former smoker myself, the taste of it turned me on because it was as close as I could get to smoking myself.

But we live in a crappy white trash area and something in the atmosphere is slowly turning us into white trash. And my husband started smoking Mavericks. Yeah. Really.

He went from Cowboy Killers-the sexiest cigarette on the planet-to Mavericks. Cool, its cheaper...but they're fucking disgusting.

They taste terrible. And brushing his teeth doesn't get the taste out of his mouth. This is a crisis. I don't want to kiss him. I have to find some way to get him to switch cigarette brands.

My First Time

I like to think that I am the type of girl that other girls can relate to. Really, that anyone can relate to. I am down to earth, sometimes a little stand off-ish, sometimes a little shy. I'm actually a lot like that Miley Cyrus song where she talks about how she's famous and that's great and all but really, she's just an ordinary girl who gets lazy and makes wishes and all that good crap. It describes me if you take out the part about being a girl 'cause actually, I'm a woman.

I'm a woman who has tried blogging but this is the first time I've ever had a goal. So-that's what my title means.

I am blogging about sex. I have always tried blogging about the daily day-to-day but honestly that's pretty boring and no one gives a crap about it. I am a 23 year old woman, married and I have a child. Now, that's very relatable, but its also quite dull.

I am also blogging to make money. I am blogging to make money so I can be an adult party consultant and so I can pay my way through college so I can become a sex therapist. That's right-one of those girls.

So, this is the first blog that I HAVE to keep up with. When I say I'm blogging like its my job, and experimenting with sexy like its my job, I mean it.

My husband is very excited. Please, tell your friends about this so I can go to school and have a real job that doesn't involve me talking about my vagina and dildoes.

Oh, by the way, my next blog will be about sex-not just about blogs that are about sex. Stay tunes.